


When All is Said and Done

by theyoungdaydreamer



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Emotional Healing, Past Abuse, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 20:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11215449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyoungdaydreamer/pseuds/theyoungdaydreamer
Summary: Set in the Vital Ruins Universe. Takes place after A Hundred Mornings After.The evening after Strife and Parv left the settlement, Nano is still dealing with the emotional repercussions of their blood magic abuse. Still bitter, and filled with a sadness she doesn't want to face, Zoey visits her at the Noodle Bar to have a talk about the validity of emotions, and how she could possibly move on and heal.





	When All is Said and Done

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MindfulWrath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindfulWrath/gifts).



Nano dug her nails into the side of the counter, following the grooves in the wood and getting the tiniest of chips under her nails.

It had been a while since she’d cut them, although hard work had worn them so that they were unevenly shaped. She was usually so on top of self-care, but recently, with Strife…

She snorted softly and with the hand gripping a mug handle her nails dug into her palm. He’d been so deceptive, leading her on while he snuck over to Parvis’ house in the dead of the night, bleeding himself, and for what?

That was the question on her mind. He’d run off with Parvis after they’d grudgingly let them recover from the destruction of the altar, only Zoey and Fiona refusing to panic until the discovery of a missing boat.

So, now what were they going to do?

A grim and painful part of her hoped they would capsize and drown together, sink under the waves as bubbles streamed from their mouths and lie in the darkness to be devoured by the unknown carnivorous beasts that resided there. Another part of her, the same that had been hurt beyond comparison from this betrayal, wished they could find peace in a land far away from them.

Either way, she knew for certain that their departure was for the best, not just for the community’s sanity, but also for their continued existence, however convoluted it really was. She swallowed away a wave of paranoia with some coffee and shivered with the memory of the weight on her mind, the easy bonds wrapping around her thoughts and muscles. The intricateness of resistance and how simple it was just to comply was what curled in the corner of every thought. She’d thought herself strong, but the violation of her will by Rythian had shaken her to the core, and just as she’d thought recovery was more than just a hope, Strife had fucked her over.

A noise from outside the Noodle Bar startled her from her thoughts, and she angrily wiped a tear from her eye as she rushed to check her fear. With Kirin and his vampire buddies as a more immediate threat, she had to be ready to shoot with a lot more effectiveness than the one shot she’d got off when Garion had turned up.

One hand carefully put down the mug, but the other hovered over the gun, loaded and ready, under the counter. The door swung open and revealed, not an intimidating antlered creature of the night, but a friendly redhead with one hand peacefully raised.

“It’s late.” Nano croaked. Coughing she rested both hands on the counter and looked sternly in her direction. “We’re closed.”

“I’m not here for noodles.” She said softly. There was a pause as if she thought Nano might interject, but she stayed quiet, knowing with despair where this was going.

Zoey walked slowly inside and pushed the door closed behind her. Nano looked down at her coffee, debating whether she should finish it or keep it around for strategic talk avoiding opportunities.

“The best thing to do is to talk about it.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“It helped me. Fiona-”

“I don’t have a Fiona.” Nano said firmly.

Zoey took a patient breath and Nano fought to keep herself from shaking. The groove in the counter were getting deeper with every pass through of Nano’s index finger nail.

“He cared about you. About the rest of us too, I’m pretty sure, but, you know.”

Nano looked up at her and snorted her distaste into the air.

“That right, huh?”

Zoey watched her, wary.

“Nothing like mind control to show someone you love them.” She said sarcastically.

Zoey’s fists clenched and Nano was surprised to hear the crack of a knuckle.

“It wasn’t easy for me either.” She said quickly, eyes squeezed shut. “It hurt, stung like nothing else. We’d been friends for so long that it was hard to be strong enough to be the one to point out that everything wasn’t good. That he was doing things, very wrong things. That trying to own me would destroy us both.”

She opened her eyes and Nano saw the pain in them, remembering the spiral in which she had lost Rythian as her friend. For her, Strife had almost been more.

“He wanted me, yes, but he wanted to be happy. I can’t fault him for wanting something good in his life. He just…” She shook her head while trying to find words. “He just went so totally too far. He tore something powerful into existence to try and soothe himself and he was as good as lost to me from that moment.”

Nano had stopped running her nails in the grooves and stared into Zoey’s eyes as she let this guilt sink in. Hearing her speak about how fundamentally broken Rythian had become, and how terrible he’d acted in the early days of blood magic, made Strife sound so much tamer.

 _He only wanted to save Parv._ The whisper in her mind was soft and sad, and with a deeper sinking feeling she remembered Parv’s own story of Rythian and blood magic. He and Strife both loathed it like a dirty, diseased part of themselves. And everyone in the community, they’d all been so quick to jump on them for any sign of blood magic or reluctance to give it up.

“I’m sorry.” Was all she could say, head hanging and tears of her own beginning to warp her vision.

She distantly heard footsteps and the creak of the counter door being lifted. The warmness of Zoey’s embrace was what spurred her tears onward. She felt so wrong and difficult to be acting like this when Zoey had lived for years with Rythian having done that to her.

“I-I shouldn’t be like this.” She managed, throat constricting around her words.

“No.” Zoey said firmly. “You’re allowed to feel hurt by this. You have every right to hate this, alright? My experiences don’t undermine yours, like at all.”

Nano sobbed, shaking uncontrollably as she allowed her grief bit by bit to come forward.

She thought of Lalna, of the gruesome painful end for him that Parv had described.

She thought of those left crushed in the ruins of Rythian’s residence, the empty graves they’d made for them before they crossed the ocean.

She thought of Parv and Strife, branded with Rythian’s poisoned touch and now banished from their community for terrible mistakes they were the ones most regretful of.

By the time Nano had gradually brought herself down to just sniffling, she was sitting at a table with her head in her hands and filled with a heavy sense of self-loathing. Her vision was blurred and her face was sticky, and she was sure Zoey had been the one to guide her from behind the counter, though where she’d gone now was anyone’s guess. She heard the rustling and clacking of what sounded like someone desperately rummaging around for something behind the counter.

“Oh, god.” Nano said, a weakness in her voice she couldn’t swallow away. “I’m sorry you’re seeing me like this. I’m really gross.”

“It’s fine. Very fine.” Zoey’s voice came from nearby. “You’re fine.”

“No, I’m not fine. I’m gross.”

“I know, I know.”

“Ugh.” She was doing her best to quell the urge to just wipe her face on her sleeve or some part of her clothing. “This evening is the worst.”

“It’s going to be getting better, hold up.”

Zoey swept herself onto the chair on the other side of the table from her. She had a damp cloth in her hand, offered towards her with a surprisingly steady hand. Nano looked at her pathetically, then reached forward and took the cloth.

“This is a dishcloth, you know?”

“There weren’t any fluffy towels in sight, sorry.”

Nano sighed, wishing for a mirror as she rubbed and dabbed at her face. It smelled of soap, and it helped clear her head.

“Thank you.” She said.

“No problem.” Zoey replied. “I think…”

Nano looked up at her as she paused, seeing her properly for the first time. She wasn’t crying, her nose wasn’t running, and she was looking steadily at her. But when she looked carefully, she could see the slight quaver in her throat when she swallowed. Zoey wasn’t looking at her, she was looking just over her shoulder. She thought she’d give her the chance to say what she thought would help.

“Go on. What do you think, Zoey?”

“I think,” Zoey said softly, biting her lip and eyes falling to her clasped hands on the table. “that the last thing any one of us needs is to be alone, right now.”

Nano put down the cloth. “Is this your way of inviting me back to yours and Fiona’s house tonight?”

Zoey broke into a laugh, her smile making her seem less fragile. Nano felt her own smile grow, and reached for her hands and took them. Zoey clasped their hands tightly together and finally met her eyes.

“I’m joking.” Nano said softly.

“I guessed.”

They were silent a moment.

“But if you want to stay on our sofa, that’s fine, that’s cool. Just so you know.”

“Not tonight. I need to think on some things.”

“Alright.”

Nano swallowed again, licked her lips and tasted salt.

“Is it over?”

Zoey took a deep breath, her whole body moving with it.

“I thought it was over the first time with Rythian. Then Parv found a book he’d written and it started happening again.”

“Then, Strife.”

“Rythian’s very very dead.” Zoey said. “We’re beyond that big part of the thing. The blood magic thing.”

“I’m glad.” Nano said, watching Zoey for offence.

“Me too, I think.” She said. “He was my best friend. After all he’d done, though...” She paused to swallow, choose her words. Her mouth opened then closed again. Nano wasn’t sure if she’d ever spoken much about it to anyone other than Fiona, who’d been involved. “He wasn’t the man I knew after the first time, after Fiona. He was long gone by the second time. That’s what I believe anyway.”

Nano felt like she needed to say something. “I don’t know how I feel.”

“You might not for a long, long time.” Zoey said with a sad smile.

“I’m glad _they’re_ gone, though.” She continued. “As bloody awful as it makes me sound.”

“They may find the peace they need. They may heal.”

“Or they might relapse.” Nano said harshly.

“Maybe.” Zoey shrugged. Her fingers were looser around Nano’s hands. “But they know how bad they could get. You could see they didn’t want that, right?”

Nano said nothing. “I’d like to think that.” She tried, eventually.

“None of us could touch magic like that, if you want to think about the larger context of whether it’s ‘over’.” Zoey said.

“I’m certainly not bloody going to!” She exclaimed, hurt.

“No. No.” Zoey withdrew one hand to wave around. “I mean. I mean it’s not infectious or anything like that. Knowledge of how bad it is makes us not want to. Like at all.”

“Ok.”

“Anyway, Strife and Parv. Those two. They’re getting closure, out there. Wherever and whatever that is.” Zoey said. “And that’s what we’re now working towards.”

Nano withdrew her hands. “One last thing, before I drink myself to sleep tonight.”

“Anything.” Zoey said. “Within human reason, please.”

“Is there any more blood magic stuff out there?”

Zoey was quiet.

“Because, because, that’s how Parv must have got it. How Strife did too.” She was gaining confidence. “What if Kirin and the other vampires find it? What if those three idiot neighbours find something?”

“Nano…” Zoey said slowly.

“Please.” She begged. “Please tell me it’s not, not going to happen again.”

“Nano.” Zoey continued. “I. Don’t. Know.”

“We’re fucked then.” She said, voice rough. Her mind began moving away, fear and bitterness. Had she not suffered enough? Could she ever live a safe and happy life now or ever?

“No.” Zoey said firmly.

That made her look up. “Then, what?”

Zoey looked like she was collecting her thoughts, head tilted backwards as she considered the ceiling. “Rythian told me there were other books and tablets and stuff. Let. Me. Finish.”

Nano shut her mouth and did her best to relax the frustrated glare off her face. She had to remember where Zoey was coming from, after all. She was the expert now.

“He didn’t know how many things there were. Blood magic memory loss shenanigans are a real sucker, right?” Her smile was without real good humour. “But we can’t do anything about them, if they haven’t all been found by unlucky people we know.”

“There has to be something we can do.”

“We have no way of finding them, Nano.” Zoey calmly explained. “I never knew where they were. Rythian could barely remember where they were. What makes you think any of us could find them?”

“Kirin might.” Nano said, frustration making her want to cry again. Her knuckles were white from how hard she clenched the table edge.

“He knows what blood magic did.” Zoey no longer looked so upset. It sounded like she had considered her options many times before. “He won’t look for it. If he knows other vampires he’ll warn them not to either. He’s a douche canoe, not inherently world destroyingly evil.”

“At least we can hope that.” She retorted.

“Yes, Nano.” Zoey leaned forward, eyes wide. “Hope is all we have. Hope that people who could know what blood magic is understand how awful it is. Tell others who we encounter that we lost others to it and that they will die from it if they desire it. Hope that this whole world isn’t as terrible as ours turned into.”

Nano knew she was moving her jaw around a lot. Her teeth were gritted so hard it was starting to hurt.

“I don’t want to do nothing.”

“You don’t have to.” Zoey said encouragingly. “We have our settlement here. We have neighbours who hate us. But, that’s nothing new. Most of us hated each other at first, right?”

Nano huffed out a laugh. “Something like that.”

“So, we smooth over things with the neighbours. They seemed alright. Feelings of self-preservation and a desire to interact with us seems really good to me.”

“But, Kirin.”

“He’s going to be another thing we all need to talk about, yeah.”

“A lot more than just talk, I think.” Nano said sharply.

The thought of Kirin skulking around with his vampire buddies made her peek towards the door. Vampires needed permission to enter places, or, that was what stories has suggested, anyway.

“We may all need to put garlic in our doors and windows. Get protected.”

“I think everyone’s way ahead of you.” Zoey said cheerfully. “I tried knocking on Lomadia and Nilesy’s door, and, you’ll never guess what.”

“What?” She thought she might as well bite. She hated herself for the pun, though it made her feel a little better about herself for thinking about it.

“I almost got stabbed! It was quite scary, actually. They were so apologetic afterwards. Offered me a pool and a drink to make up for it. Didn’t take it and I assured them it was fine, but, anyway.”

“Do they think Strife and Parv will come back?”

“It’s on everyone’s minds. They all thought Rythian would come back once upon a time, remember?”

Nano nodded. She remembered the nightmares very well.

“I hope we can reach an understanding with Kirin. One where no one has to die.”

“That would be good, I think.” Nano said, with difficulty. Shooting Kirin was a pleasure that she might have trouble denying herself, if he made the wrong move.

“Yes. It would be fantastic.” Zoey slowly began standing up. “But that is a conversation for tomorrow. Or another day. I’m not sure everyone wants to leave it too long, though.”

“Yeah.” Nano stood up as well.

“Listen,” Zoey said, putting a hand on Nano’s arm. “I know it’s going to be hard to let go of the idea that blood magic stuff might still be out there.”

“Was it easy for you?” She asked. “You make these things seem easy.”

“I had Fiona.” Zoey said simply. “And we wanted to be together away from it all. So, we left it all behind.”

“You never wondered?”

“I let it go. For my sake. For my happiness and sanity.”

“Right.” Nano said. “Hmm. Sanity.”

Zoey pulled her into a hug. It was warm and good. She had a calming presence and reassuring words, and Nano knew then, for a moment, what Rythian and Fiona had seen and saw in her.

“I’ll always be here.” Zoey said. “Fiona too. Everyone here. If you need us, that is.”

Nano couldn’t imagine spilling her guts to anyone else ever again. She needed a drink. She needed some easy blankness in her mind without it being filled by someone else's voice.

“Goodnight, Zoey.” She let her back out of the embrace. “And-and, thanks. You helped me clear some stuff up.”

“Goodnight, Nano. Be safe.” She began walking towards the door. “Oh, and sorry you have to wash that dishcloth.”

“It’s nothing. I forgive you.”

Zoey looked at her, face clear of emotion as she pulled the door open. “I hope it all gets better. I really do.”

When the door clicked shut, Nano walked over to it and locked it. She went back beyond the counter and tossed the dishcloth near the sink. She’d wash it in the morning. As she returned to the counter, she looked between a bottle of moonshine hidden underneath, and the still loaded gun. She reached out and felt the cool metal, a sharp sensation that traveled through her fingertips to her mind, cloudy with grief and concern.

Despite any dark thoughts, there was too much still to do. Neighbours to meet with again. Vampires to deal with. Most importantly, though she could never tell Zoey, she needed to muse over the potential of blood magic still out there. Though Zoey healed by moving on from it, she couldn’t let it go. From the part she’d had in all of it, and the person she was, she wasn’t going to be able to heal in the same way.

The gun went with her to her bedroom, tenderly placed beside her bed, just in case Kirin kicked the door down, or whatever vampires do when hunting. She'd picked up the bottle on the way, and began drinking. 

Her mug of coffee went cold on the counter.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I wrote this just after A Hundred Mornings After was completed. Reading Wrath's stuff basically made me realise what catharsis feels like. Anyway, they'd said anyone could add to it, because they wanted a break or more from the series. Like, a year ago I ran out of spoons at around 1500 words, but recently I was reminded I'd written stuff and after some thinking I finished it and polished it up a little.  
> Is it canon? Probably not. Is it ooc? Quite possibly. Is it good? Good enough, I hope. I finished it and am posting it for Wrath, so I hope it's liked and stuff.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> (Also, I need to finish Chapter 4 of The Cassandra Metaphor, but that won't be long.)  
> 


End file.
